just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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