I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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