Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
