Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
