so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she peed on how many people?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
