everyone is single if you try hard enough
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
a search helicopter?!
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
