I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize