how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
