Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
