How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
