so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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