Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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