do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
