So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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