She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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