Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize