I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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