I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
