Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
