My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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