That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
