Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
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I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
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Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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