They should really pass out barf bags in church
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
