is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
