Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I wear drunk well.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
