It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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