There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
