i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
