You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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