True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
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