Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
