they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
