Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
