He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
