Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
