Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
