I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
