got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
