She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If its not for food we ain't going out.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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