Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
