I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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