going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
