we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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