I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
