well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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