But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
