so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
