Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
