Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You're like the curious george of whores
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
