a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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