nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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