just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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