Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
