By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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