We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He shit in the fireplace
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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