just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
