So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
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At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
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Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I'm really busy with my period
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