the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
