he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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