Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
