Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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