This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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