I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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