Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
