it was like his penis was on wheels.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
