I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
