I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
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