went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
