If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
